Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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