Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
