I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
