not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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