i was born a porn star she said
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize