I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
