My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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