she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
