i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
