Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
