I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize