I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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