Someone shit on the floor
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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