I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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