some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
