So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
