I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
