Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We left the knife in your bed.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
