just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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