the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Holy shit dude........stairs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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