The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
