I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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