SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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