i would punch a child for taco bell
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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