I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
