I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
