I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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