i permit you to call me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
