We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
