Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
