Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Even the bartender felt bad for me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
