Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
