mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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