i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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