Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
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