i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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