The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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