His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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