I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
