umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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