I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
