We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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