I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
