You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
