Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
