YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
someone threw a dead crab at me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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