His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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