I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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