you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
