I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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