i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
