long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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