True but thats because hes a fetus.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
