had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
