when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
