They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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