WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
