Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
