She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
