Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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