why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
