pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
birth control should be required to get into college
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
