I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Say something about gay babies.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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