So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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