I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
