I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
