The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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