Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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