I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he fucked my hip out of place.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
