I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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