He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I lost the right to judge tonight
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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