We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
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