I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
