You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
