He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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