she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
