i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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