Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
