There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
smell my finger.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
