if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
