i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
