OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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